Did you know that lint from your navel* makes a handy fire starter? If you don't have navel lint handy, here's a step by step guide on how to build a campfire... Split dead limb into fragments and shave one fragment into slivers. Bandage left thumb. Chop other fragments into...
Computer Laws
If you have reached the point where you really understand your computer, it's probably obsolete.1. Any given program, if running, is obsolete.2. Any given program costs more, and takes longer.3. If a program is useful, it will have to be changed.4. If a program is useless, it will have to...
Do you want the good news first, or the bad news?
The Doctor asked his patient "Do you want the good news first, or the bad news?"Man: Good news first please, doc!Doctor: We're naming a disease after you.
om got owned
Magician: I can make anything disappear!Tom: (holding up a cup) Really? Make my tea disappear.Magician: (waves hand) Done!om: (looks in cup) It didn't work.
How many dogs does it take to change a light bulb?
Border Collie: Just one. Not only that, but I'll replace any wiring that's not up to code.Golden Retriever: The sun is shining. The day is young. We've got our whole lives ahead of us. And you're inside worrying about a stupid, burned-out light bulb?Dachshund: I can't reach the lamp!Toy Poodle: ...
Murphy's Military Laws
🎯 The only thing more accurate than incoming enemy fire is incoming friendly fire.🎯 The problem with taking the easy way out is that the enemy has already mined it.🎯 The buddy system is essential to your survival; it gives the enemy somebody else to shoot at.🎯 If your advance...
How high can a kangaroo jump?
A kangaroo at the zoo kept getting out of his enclosure every night.Knowing that mature kangaroos could hop very high, the zoo officials replaced the eight-foot fence with a ten-foot fence.He was out the next morning, just roaming around the zoo.They tore down the ten-foot fence and put up a...
You know you drink too much coffee when...
The problem with coffee is trying to make it when you haven't had any yet. Once you get over that major inconvenience you know you've been drinking too much coffee when...☕ You ski uphill.☕ You get a speeding ticket even when you're parked.☕ You speed walk in your sleep.☕ You...
The differences between you and your boss
What's good for the goose isn't good for the gander, apparently...👎 When you take a long time, you're slow.👍 When your boss takes a long time, he's thorough.👎 When you don't do it, you're lazy.👍 When your boss doesn't do it, he's too busy.👎 When you make a mistake, you're...
Pipe Manufacturing Guidelines
All pipe is to be made of a long hole, surrounded by metal or plastic centered around the hole. All pipe is to be hollow throughout the entire length - do not use holes of different length than the pipe. The inside diameter of the pipe must not exceed the...
If a dog were your teacher
If a dog were your teacher you would learn stuff like... When loved ones come home, always run to greet them. Never pass up the opportunity to go for a car ride. Allow the experience of fresh air and the wind in your face to be pure ecstasy. As you...
