The problem with coffee is trying to make it when you haven't had any yet. Once you get over that major inconvenience you know you've been drinking too much coffee when...
☕ You ski uphill.
☕ You get a speeding ticket even when you're parked.
☕ You speed walk in your sleep.
☕ You have a bumper sticker that says: "Coffee drinkers are good in the sack."
☕ You answer the door before people knock.
☕ You haven't blinked since the last lunar eclipse.
☕ You just completed another sweater and you don't know how to knit.
☕ You grind your coffee beans in your mouth.
☕ You sleep with your eyes open.
☕ You have to watch videos in fast-forward.
☕ The only time you're standing still is during an earthquake.
☕ You can take a picture of yourself from ten feet away without using the timer.
☕ You spend every vacation visiting "Maxwell House."
☕ You're the employee of the month at the local coffeehouse and you don't even work there.
☕ You've worn out your third pair of tennis shoes this week.
☕ Your eyes stay open when you sneeze.
☕ You chew on other people's fingernails.
☕ The nurse needs a scientific calculator to take your pulse.
☕ You're so jittery that people use your hands to blend their margaritas.
☕ You can type sixty words per minute with your feet.
☕ You can jump-start your car without cables.
☕ You don't need a hammer to pound in nails.
☕ You don't sweat, you percolate.
☕ You buy milk by the barrel.
☕ You've worn out the handle on your favorite mug.
☕ You go to AA meetings just for the free coffee.
☕ You walk twenty miles on your treadmill before you realize it's not plugged in.
☕ You forget to unwrap candy bars before eating them.
☕ You've built a miniature city out of little plastic stirrers.
☕ People get dizzy just watching you.
☕ You've worn the finish off your coffee table.
☕ The Taster's Choice couple wants to adopt you.
☕ Starbucks owns the mortgage on your house.
☕ Your taste buds are so numb you could drink your lava lamp.
☕ You're so wired, you pick up FM radio.
☕ People can test their batteries in your ears.
☕ You channel surf faster without a remote.
☕ When someone says. "How are you?", you say, "Good to the last drop."
☕ You want to be cremated just so you can spend the rest of eternity in a coffee can.
☕ You want to come back as a coffee mug in your next life.
☕ You go to sleep just so you can wake up and smell the coffee.
☕ You're offended when people use the word "brew" to mean beer.
☕ Your lips are permanently stuck in the sipping position.
☕ You have a picture of your coffee mug on your coffee mug.
☕ You short out motion detectors.
☕ Your nervous twitch registers on the Richter scale.
☕ You don't tan, you roast.
☕ You don't get mad, you get steamed
☕ You can't even remember your second cup.
☕ You help your dog chase its tail.
☕ Your first-aid kit contains two pints of coffee with an I.V. hookup.
☕ You think CPR stands for "Coffee Provides Resuscitation."
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