Eat healthy and live to be 100?
Why choke down bland, mushy steamed veggies and brown rice when there's so much fat-laden, calorie-rich, heart-bursting cuisine out there to be savored? Because you want to live? So you can spend your golden years wandering aimlessly around a Florida shopping mall and eating dinner at 2 in the afternoon? So your rotten, ungrateful kids can plop you into some nursing home the minute you forget what day it is? So go ahead, triple your cholesterol and triglyceride counts and clog those arteries . You'll never get out of this world alive, so you might as well enjoy your life while you can!
1. Eat What You Want And Die Like A Man
Nostalgic for a time when kitchen counters had a container marked "grease" right next to "flour" and "sugar," author and blogger Graham (Keep Chewing Till It Stops Kicking) offers up a rambling, tongue-in-cheek, plaque-in-artery collection of recipes and essays for those dedicated to the "Art of Lard." Graham delights in slaughtering sacred cows with his acerbic, at times wildly inappropriate humor, but also gets a terrific amount of glee from simple bacon grease, a key ingredient in ribs, chicken fried steak, hash browns and even popcorn. Predictably dense takes on macaroni and cheese, burgers and fries dominate, though more exotic fare like Turducken and Rotis with Goat Curry are also detailed. Graham's glib instructions can frustrate; for fatty (but incredibly flavorful) twice-baked fries, "you get your fat, and you put it in a big pot, and you put it in the oven at 250 for like a day. Then you throw out the lumps that remain," before you add potatoes for frying. Most of his dishes, however, fall within the capabilities of kitchen novices, and he peppers sound advice throughout on everything from the proper use of ham hocks to the care of cast iron skillets.
2. Ruby Ann's Down Home Trailer Park Cookbook
Between recipes for Kathy Lee Giffrod Tribute Cheese Dip and Dr. Pepper Salad, Ruby Ann entertains with tales of living at the High Chaparral Trailer Park in Pangburn, Arkansas (Lot 18 in a two-story pink double-wide). Check out her web site: for a sample of her "Dame Edna does Down-Home" routine. The book is a hilarious!
3.The Bacon Bible: More than 200 recipes for bacon you never knew you needed
It's bacon...all bacon. Just when you think you've eaten all the flavors of bacon there is EVEN MORE bacon.
- No further information is needed
For added amusement I recommend giving this book with 15lbs of bacon....ohhh and use this bacon gift wrap!
4.The Twinkies Cookbook: An Inventive and Unexpected Recipe Collection from Hostess
You might want to seek medical attention at this point...but go ahead and order this book first because they might need a Twinkie wedding cake at your funeral. In 2005, as part of Twinkies’ 75th anniversary celebration, Hostess put out a call for recipes, asking people to share their ideas for cooking—yes, cooking—with Twinkies. Hundreds of people from across the country responded with an amazing collection of homegrown, creative, and sometimes wacky recipes. Nostalgic, colorful, and a delight (death wish) for the whole family, this is the perfect book for the Twinkie addict in all of us. Selected Recipes:Twinkie Sushi,Twinkie Burrito, Pigs in a Twinkie, Pumpkin Twinkie Bread Pudding, Peanut Butter and Jelly Twinkie Cake.
My chest hurts a little thinking about it...I'm sure I'm fine.
5. The Art of Eating through the Zombie Apocalypse: A Cookbook and Culinary Survival Guide
If you did cook your way thru the other 4 books I'm going to assume the thought of food is making you a bit queasy. So we might as well talk about the best way to deal with zombies & food....after all it is 2020.
You duck into the safest-looking abandoned house you can find and hold your breath as you listen for the approaching zombie horde you’ve been running from all day. You hear a gurgling sound. Is it the undead? No—it’s your stomach.
When the zombie apocalypse tears down life and society as we know it, it will mean no more take out, no more brightly lit, immaculately organized aisles of food just waiting to be plucked effortlessly off the shelves. No more trips down to the local farmers’ market. No more microwaved meals in front of the TV or intimate dinner parties. No, when the undead rise, eating will be hard, and doing it successfully will become an art.
The Art of Eating through the Zombie Apocalypse is a cookbook and culinary field guide for the busy zpoc survivor. With more than 80 recipes (from Overnight of the Living Dead French Toast and It’s Not Easy Growing Greens Salad to Down & Out Sauerkraut, Honey & Blackberry Mead, and Twinkie Trifle), scads of gastronomic survival tips, and dozens of diagrams and illustrations that help you scavenge, forage, and improvise your way to an artful post-apocalypse meal. The Art of Eating is the ideal handbook for efficient food sourcing and inventive meal preparation in the event of an undead uprising.
Whether you decide to hole up in your own home or bug out into the wilderness, whether you prefer to scavenge the dregs of society or try your hand at apocalyptic agriculture, and regardless of your level of skill or preparation, The Art of Eating will help you navigate the wasteland and make the most of what you eat.
I ate 1/2 a bucket of candy while writing this....I just thought you should know.
