Important Things Learned About Life From Action Films

Important Things Learned About Life From Action Films

Glen FreddoDec 22, '201 comment
Action films are predictable... from flicking a cigarette into gasoline to cause a massive explosion to  the motorcyclist taking off their helmet to reveal a woman. Here's a bunch of other cliches and tropes you can expect:

  • No matter what my problem is, it's the fault of someone other than myself, and the appropriate response is to find that person and kill him with my bare hands.
  • To be truly attractive, a woman must wear high heels and an outfit so tight you can tell whether she's cold or not from across the room.
  • There are two kinds of women in the world: One type want to go to bed with you, and the other type want to kill you. Both types are physically attractive and under 25 years old.
  • If I rudely argue with my boss in front of my coworkers, not only won't he fire me, but he will gain a profound respect for me.
  • If I can find an important enough mission, it will supersede my obligations to perform household chores, bathe, and call the next day.
  • If I go without bathing, swear a lot, and treat women badly, they will adore me.
  • If a woman tries to clean a bullet wound and I curse in pain, she will fall in love with me.
  • If I have a prolonged fist-fight with another guy and neither of us dies, we will become best friends.
  • My archenemy will bear an uncanny resemblance in age and bearing to my father, and he will make it clear that he has gained a deep respect for me before I kill him with my bare hands.
  • When I shoot people, they will die quickly and cleanly, and I will never be arrested or troubled by their widowed wife and children. When people shoot me, however, I will at most receive a 'flesh wound,' which will be tended to by a beautiful woman.
  • If an aged scientist is involved in any way, he will have a beautiful daughter who will gaze at me adoringly.
  • If royalty is involved, it will include a beautiful princess who will gaze at me adoringly.
  • If I have a kid partner, he will be tightly-muscled, clean-cut, and gaze at me adoringly.
  • If I am asked to compete against a world champion at any sport or game of any type, I will win. This will infuriate my opponent, who will then try to kill me.
  • If my opponent has a sidekick or henchman, he will never have a sensible name like 'Allan' or 'Steve.'
  • Beautiful women will frequently furrow their brows with concern and ask, "When's the last time you got any sleep?" They will never ask when I last bathed or used the toilet, although I apparently never do those things either.

Comments (1)

Jim Vick on Apr 3, '21

Very funny and accurate observations!

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