Tweet by Quinn Murphy

What type of honesty do you value most?

Glen FreddoFeb 25, '21

Someone asked me recently, what type of person should they be seeking for a relationship... as in the qualities. And I proceeded to make a list, in point form, of all my own personal attributes.


Obviously high on the list should be honesty. But what type of honesty?

I saw a tweet recently, that said the following:

"Quick note: Your brutal honesty? Ain't nobody asking for that. Where is your clever honesty? Your compassionate honesty? Your insightful honesty? Uplifting? Poetic? Empowering? Take your brutal honesty and go sit in the back with all the devil's advocates." -Quinn Murphy

That's what people want. That's what they need. Tactful honesty. People need honesty dished up with respect.

"Being blunt is being honest, but often in a rude or even aggressive manner. Being direct on the other hand is being honest and genuine whilst maintaining a respectful and diplomatic way." -Tom-Daniel Laugerud

Sometimes people use brutal honesty as gift wrapping for an unwanted present of rudeness.

I once had an *ex-friend tell me that my dog was ugly.

It was a comment on a photo I had posted on Facebook.

Just came straight out, told me my dog was ugly.

I was in a particularly patient mood, and pointed out that you don't go out of your way to tell people that their dogs, or their kids, are ugly.

He told me again that my dog was ugly.

I pointed out how rude he was being.

He told me that he was only being honest.

That's not honesty, that's outright meanness.

Sometimes a persons brutal honesty is just their unfiltered opinion. Just because someone tags it as "brutal honesty" doesn't mean you have to accept it.

For the rest of us, we should strive to keep our honesty, when requested, tactful, respectful and mindful. The world will be a better place for it.

*He didn't become an ex-friend due to that particular discourse at that specific time. It would be a decade later that we would depart as friends. Due in part because of his unfiltered opinions.